How to Be the Joy of Christmas This Year
“Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” ~Marianne Williamson
It’s December and…. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
By now, the tree is probably up, the halls are decked, and the snowflakes are gently falling outside your window. Plans are being made to celebrate with friends and family near and far, and peace and joy are the keywords of the season.
On the flip side of this peaceful scene, your December calendar is quickly filling up with activities and obligations, the to-do list is growing and Christmas shopping is in full swing.
How are you feeling right now, lovely friend?
Are you living in the moment and overflowing with peace, joy and calm? Or are you simmering in the pre-holiday crock-pot of stress, overwhelm and overload?
If you are in the former group, good for you! You should write a book and let the rest of us know how you’re doing it!
If you are in the latter one (with me and most of the other women of America) welcome in, girlfriend. Grab a cup of something good and let’s help each other get through this season with glad tidings and a joyful spirit without losing our cool.
Why do we get so overwhelmed at Christmas?
It’s incredibly common for amazing midlife women to get burned out during the Christmas season. Why? Because mommas are the architects of the holiday and we take that responsibility to heart. Many of us have been socially conditioned to feel that it is our sole responsibility to make the house festive, uphold traditions, and organize activities and events for others: family, church, charities, schools, community, the list goes on.
Thanks to Martha Stewart, Facebook and the Hallmark Christmas movie empire there is so much pressure on women to curate the perfect photos and orchestrate the perfect family gatherings. We are led to believe that the fun of Christmas is in our hands, so we are always conducting and coordinating, never stopping to sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor… and also never reaching that unattainable bar we have set for ourselves.
We take on the primary responsibility for everyone else’s happiness while putting ours on the back burner.
And let’s admit it, we’re pretty darn good at it, right? True!
Take a moment here and accept the credit for everything you do to make the season bright each year. The joy you bring to those around you. The house that looks like a Christmas card. Your actual Christmas card that shows everyone in the family smiling (even though it took an hour to finally capture that one brief shining moment!)
But girl, sometimes all of that pressure can be too much, can’t it? The overload can push us to our emotional limit and cause us to be cranky and grouchy; all of it just sucking the joyous spirit from our very souls.
We feel like we are not enough, like we are not keeping up. The harder we work to reach perfection, the further away that ideal vision seems to be. When that happens we are not fun, we are not joyful, and we are definitely not living our best life.
How can we infuse our own joy back into Christmas?
First, let’s rally together and support our sisters. Let them know that the pressure for perfection is not something we expect from each other, in fact we denounce it.
*Let’s declare “fun, not perfect” as the collective midlife mantra of the season this year!
Second, let’s get real about our own expectations. Beautiful friend, it’s okay to put on your oxygen mask first. It is not selfish, in fact, it’s necessary. It is critical for you and everyone around you.
Please don’t take offense to this, but martyrs aren’t usually a lot of fun to be around, so don’t be one.
It brings your family joy to see you happy. They love to watch you have fun. Their favorite memories will involve you in moments of merriment and delight. They would much rather have a happy you, than a magazine cover Christmas.
Third, give yourself the same grace you would give a friend you love. What would you say to her? You would tell her that she deserves every moment of joy and fun she can glean from this holiday, right? Not just the ones that she curates for others. You would assure her that she is worthy of her best self, deserving of her own unconditional love. Treat yourself with that same respect and affection.
You’re right, I am preaching to myself here, too.
For a long time I was the quintessential over-achieving holiday momma, burning the Christmas candle at both ends and rushing from one obligation to the next. I did everything I could think of to manufacture magic for my girls while still trying to keep Christ at the center of it. It took some creative acrobatics to blend the two entities together, and I stressed myself out every year at some point. I am proud of what I was able to achieve back then, but in hindsight I see that it could have been accomplished so much simpler. I could have done better with what I know now.
*Side note: Thank goodness my girls were young long before the Elf on the Shelf came along or I would have lost my mind!
How to Be the Joy of Christmas
Here are 5 fundamental thoughts to keep in mind this season and help you slow down, enjoy the moment, and have the most joy-filled holiday ever.
1. Prioritize what matters most.
Step number one is to determine what the MOST important things to you are. Make a list of holiday traditions, activities and events.
Then, keeping in mind that there are only 24 days in December before Christmas Day, start scheduling them on a planner, like this one right here. Highlight the most important ones as non-negotiables.
Next, in the remaining days, add the things that you truly want to do, those that you have the time and energy for. Have your family help you and only include the things that will bring you a sense of joy and fulfillment.
Finally, cross off the things that you can let go of this year. These are the things that you don’t really want to do, don’t have time for, can be done by someone else, or simply will not enhance your family’s holiday.
Let.Them.Go.
Now, look at your planner page and start strategizing how you will accomplish these tasks. DO NOT try to do it all alone. (Remember my caution about martyrs? Funless.)
Enlist help, delegate, and share the load.
*Do you love to write things down as much as I do?
If so, here is a free & handy Christmas meal planner and a Christmas shopping list/budget tracker you can download and print out to help handle the organization of it all.
Most importantly, make it a top priority to focus in on the special glimmers that are happening around you during this season, the ones that you get to simply witness.
Have you ever noticed that many times it is the smallest unorchestrated moments that pull at your heartstrings? Think back to your childhood Christmases. What (or who) are the memories that bring you the most joy?
2. Make time for self care.
When your emotional battery becomes depleted, you need to recharge it with self care.
Self care can look like whatever you want it to. The only requirement is that it has to be an action in which you intentionally carve out a block of time to do something that soothes your mind and provides an opportunity for rejuvenating your spirit.
A few suggestions for self care include:
Read, listen to music, watch a movie, meditate, bake cookies, get a mani/pedi with a friend, express your creative side, pray, do yoga, decorate something, swim, cook, dance, go for a walk, write, scrapbook, sing, take a bath/shower, call your mom (if you are still fortunate enough to have her), paint, snuggle with your dog, look at Christmas lights, run.
Choose what works for you, just remember to work it in.
3. Practice saying NO.
Say it with me, “No. No thank you. Not this time. Not today. ”
Contrary to what you may have been conditioned, it’s okay to use this word during December. In fact, it’s a great strategy to avoid burn-out.
You DO NOT have to do it all.
If you don’t want to, you don’t have to go to that party. If you don’t have the time, you don’t have to be in charge of that fundraiser. If you don’t have the energy, you don’t have to participate in that cookie exchange.
Time is a precious commodity during this season, and you need to protect it at all costs and use it for what matters to you most.
Spending your time doing things you don’t want to do to please others leads you to the dreaded martyrdom arena. (A truly dreary place to be.)
People would much rather see you acting with a heart filled with enthusiasm and joy, rather than one who is becoming resentful with obligation.
4. Minimize.
Sure, display the holiday pieces that actually bring you pleasure…set up the family nativity, adorn the tree with your favorite ornaments and special star, and hang the traditional stockings by the chimney with care, but keep in mind that you DO NOT need to deck every hall.
For years I used to decorate the entire house for Christmas on my own, from the outside lights right down to the little towels in the guest bathroom according to my recent Martha Stewart Living or Better Homes and Gardens.
I know that I’m dating myself, as this was way before the Pinterest machine came on the scene, but I also know that you know exactly what I’m talking about so we’re on the same page, right?
Anyway, on the Friday after Thanksgiving I would lug all of the boxes up from the basement and spend the next few days setting it all up by myself. Then the day after Christmas I would pack it all up by myself.
I loved how it looked in the middle of those two days, especially when my girls were little, but now I ask myself if I could have done it differently. Instead of excess, could I have simplified it? Instead of taking it all on my own shoulders, could I have included others?
Since I know that I can’t change Christmases Past, I will try to alter my Christmas Present.
Having an empty nest provides an opportunity to embrace a new theme of minimalism to ease some of the holiday stress. (Also, all of my Christmas stuff is still packed up in boxes from our recent move, so it’s a forced embrace, but still…)
Remember that it tends to be human-nature (at least in America) to add new things without letting go of the old, but we are learning as we go, right? So this is the perfect year to incorporate new simpler traditions, while still preserving the essence and memories of the old.
Take this tip from updating your closet: for each new thing you add, let go of something else. Keep it in balance.
5. Stay energized.
This is a big one. It concerns your emotional, mental and physical health and these qualities make up the foundation of YOU.
Let’s break it down.
Emotional/Mental Health
Be proactive and prepare yourself mentally for the upcoming rush of the stressful whirlwind.
For some this season is filled with emotional triggers. For those of us who lost people we loved during the holiday season we know that it can take years to refine those painful memories into ones of joy instead of spiraling back into sadness. Be ready for the moments of grief and try to hone in on positive ones instead. (This is always a work in progress.)
Remember to breathe with intention. Write it on a post-it and stick it somewhere you will see it frequently. Stop yourself during the day and just focus on breathing in and out. Inhale to the count of 5, then exhale your worries and anxieties. Repeat as needed.
Stay positive. Remember the reason for the season. Assume positive intent.
Sit in your church sanctuary and pray. Remember to listen as much as (or more than) you talk.
Rest in silence or accompanied by soft music and focus on something beautiful, like your Christmas tree.
Pay attention to yourself and watch for triggers or early signs of any distress and act on it immediately.
Although it can be a busy time of year, do not skip your medical or counseling appointments.
Text or call a friend or loved one to talk.
Take a walk outside. Anywhere.
Curl up on the couch and watch an old holiday movie that generates the feels of happy nostalgia.
Marinate in gratitude. Remind yourself of the many blessings you already have. Click here to read more about cultivating an attitude of gratitude.
Be present. Look around you and focus on the joy that is surrounding you at any given moment.
In the immortal words of Gen-X philosopher-of-life Ferris Beuller,
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.”
Physical health
Do your best to wind down at night and get enough sleep.
Eat foods that give you fuel and try to keep the tempting Christmas treats to a minimum (easier said than done, I know).
Build in some time to get to the gym or take a walk, yoga, any physical activity that will keep your energy up.
Again, no skipping doctor’s appointments.
Take your regular supplements and keep your routines.
Watch the caffeine and alcohol. Everything in moderation.
*A special note to my fellow menopausal sisters here: Along with the plethora of seasonal stressors, fuzzy sweaters and close quarters of social gatherings, the HOT FLASHES can creep up on us at the most inconvenient of times, am I right? Keep in mind that caffeine elevates your cortisol, also known as the “stress hormone,” which can kick in your internal heat mechanism in a hurry. Alcohol can do the same, and it also seriously interferes with your sleep quality. Just keep them in mind and be proactive. Drink lots of water, dress in layers and keep a hair clip handy. You can also check out these two articles for additional tips dealing with the hormonal holiday stress for us midlife everygirls: How Women Can Reduce Holiday Stress and Burnout 9 Ways to Manage Holiday Stress and Hot Flashes
I Wish You a Merry Christmas
The Christmas season is a beautiful and glorious time of year. But if you are stressed out you can’t enjoy it, and your loved ones cannot enjoy the wonderful you that is inside of you waiting to let go and just be.
Remember to focus on only what is most important to you and let go of the rest without letting guilt take over your mind. Take time for yourself and do things that bring you joy. Minimize the things that stress you. Honor your favorite traditions and take this opportunity to start new ones.
Most importantly, be conscious of your physical and emotional health and take extra-special care of yourself.
You have the power to create beautiful holiday memories, but don’t forget that they will also just happen organically around you.
Stop long enough to look around and take it all in.
Let yourself enjoy the moments that are right in front of you.
Before I let you go, think back to your childhood memories of Christmases past. What jumps out at you?
This is the picture that brings me back. My mom and dad were in their early 30’s and I was 7. My memory of this Christmas is almost as faded as this 46 year old photo, but I have brief flashes of it.
I know now that they were dealing with a tremendous amount of stress (including her MS diagnosis). But look at them. I can’t even begin to tell you what presents I got, but I hold onto this feeling of love right here.
This is what beautiful Christmas memories are made of.
Trust me, dear friend, when I tell you it’s not really the gifts and the things that they will remember years from now. It’s the laughter, the smiles, the feeling of love that they will hold in their heart as they remember the magic of the season.
Make sure that you are putting more effort into being joy than trying to manufacture it.
You deserve it.
Beautiful girl, I hope you have the most wonderful, peaceful and joyful Christmas yet.
You can make it happen because you are positively limitless.
