How to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude
Thanksgiving Edition
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough.”
~Oprah Winfrey
The Season of Thanks
It’s here, that special time of year we look forward to all year: Thanksgiving season.
For a few weeks each November we get to enjoy the beauty of nature as the colors explode like fireworks on the trees and the temperatures turn cooler. It’s time to pull out your favorite sweaters and shackets and enjoy pumpkin spice in everything. We honor our Veterans on the 11th and spend our weekends raking leaves and scanning Pinterest for a new soup recipe.
Evening walks during this time are often magical. The crisp scent of autumn hangs in the air, the lawns are carpeted with fallen leaves, the sun sets over the horizon just a bit earlier each evening, and we may even see a snowflake or two.
The early darkness encourages us to relax and set down the stressors of our day while we curl up by a fire with a warm beverage and a cozy blanket and click through the channels.
But the subliminal signs of the approaching holiday season have already been deeply planted in the commercials, talk shows and titles. Hallmark holiday movies are running in full swing. Netflix is suggesting their latest holiday romance just for you.
You sit up straight and threaten to slosh your drink as visions of the next few months begin to fill your head and interrupt any hopes of resting and reflecting in the current season you are actually in.
As the whirlwind of the holiday festivities to come begins to brew, we (I’m talking to we moms, wives and grandmas here) prepare to dive head-first into the extensive preparations for Christmas and the ever-growing to-do list that accompanies it.
What do I need to get? What do I have to do? Whom should I give to? What does he/she want? What do I want?
And the list goes on…
BUT WAIT!
Before you start decking the halls and wrapping the gifts:
Stop
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Beautiful friend, before Black Friday hits and you’re off to the proverbial Christmas races, take this precious moment in time that has been specially carved out for you to focus all of your attention solely on giving thanks for everything that you already have in your life. Appreciate the loving people that surround you. Reflect on your health, your happiness, your security. Take in the blessings that are right in front of you at this very moment.
Preparing our Minds to Receive Gratitude
Thanksgiving Day is the unique 24-hour period that we set aside to pause and reflect on being thankful for what we have.
Of course, the bulk of the day is spent checking off the traditions that we hold dear, such as having our loved ones close, tuning in to watch the Lions or the Bears play football and of course, preparing tons of food in the kitchen.
Reality check: We peace-keeping females know that this day also includes plenty of moments of mediating arguments, cleaning up messes and occupying overwhelmed children, right? But that’s a different post…
Back to the Hallmark vision: We look forward to the high point of the day when everyone finally sits down at the beautifully-set table together, joining hands in the soft glow of the candlelight before a feast of more food than can possibly be consumed in one sitting. This is the moment we mama-bears have worked for. As we gaze around at the faces before us our heart is filled with so much love and gratitude that it threatens to burst right there at the dinner table. (Cue the soft music and grateful tears…)
Girl, drink it in. Being grateful for what we have, makes what we have enough. And for that one brief shining moment on the 4th Thursday of November we know that we have enough, we have done enough and we are enough.
*Sigh*
But what about the other 364 days?
Wouldn’t you like to harness that warm and fuzzy feeling everyday of the year?
Who wouldn’t, right!?
What if I told you that you can generate that deep gratifying feeling of joy and enoughness as often as every single day?
It’s true!
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help you experience multiple moments of joy and an underlying feeling of happiness as often as you wish.
It’s free and it’s easy!
But wait, there’s more! Gratitude can bring you more than just happy feelings. It is also closely linked with many research-based benefits that affect our mental and physical health everyday. Read on, my friend!
The Science of Gratitude
Did you know that we humans are born hard-wired for negativity? Evolution has designed those pessimistic triggers as safety features to put ourselves on high alert and prepare us for worst-case scenarios, such as animal attacks, forest fires and locust swarms. In ancient societies that truly relied on a “survival of the fittest” mentality, this made sense. However, since these days the chances of us being mauled by a wild polar/grizzly bear in our own home are pretty slim, we don’t need to rely on this skill as much as our cave and pioneer ancestors did.
But even today, according to research, negative thoughts and experiences tend to stick in our memories better than positive ones. They cause a super-charged emotion and engage our intrinsic “fight or flight” response, which leads us to pay more attention to them, which makes them seem more important than they really are.
Bummer, right?
Here’s the great news: Scientific research also tells us that our brain is changeable, adaptable, and trainable. And it loves patterns!
Neuroplasticity is described as "a series of miracles happening in our own cranium" that allows us to cultivate new skills, tastes and habits whenever we choose. We can teach our brain to play an instrument, speak a different language, overcome an addiction or change our behavior. We can even lower our risk of dementia by 60% by rewiring our brain.
Isn’t that fascinating?
Deepak Chopra says “most people say that their brain is in charge of them. We say we are in charge of our brain.”
So what does this mean for you?
Girl, this means that we can rewire our brain to look for the positive patterns that surround us. Once it figures the pattern out, it will begin to seek more of the same.
Think of it as a positive rabbit hole: The more we find, the more we will seek. The more we seek, the more we will be able to see. Right?
Here’s even more great news: According to the book, Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier and this article from MeteorEducation some of the verified health benefits and positive effects that practicing gratitude can provide include:
More restful sleep
Increased serotonin and dopamine boosts (the happy chemicals!)
Reduced blood pressure
Reduced stress and anxiety
Decreased cortisol levels
Improved mental health
Extra boosts of motivation and energy
Increased productivity
Decreased pain levels
Enhanced creativity
Stronger immune systems
Greater ability to focus and pay attention
Greater ability to solve problems
Improved relationships
More positive emotions
More empathy towards others
More expressions of compassion and kindness
A more optimistic outlook on life
7 Simple Strategies for Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude
“Okay Tracy, enough with the research. How can I create this grateful mindset and improve my life?”
Great question! Here are some easy-peasy ways that you can start practicing it today.
Like, right now.
Are you ready?
Let’s do this!
1. Start a Gratitude Journal.
You knew this one was coming, right? Of course you did!
But do you know why?
Because it is the classic tried-and-true method for recognizing your blessings and training your mind to find more. It is the #1 strategy for rewiring your brain to look for the good around you.
The mental act of acknowledging a blessing, plus the physical act of writing it down makes a kinesthetic connection in your mind and memory. Re-reading the list over again later solidifies that connection and creates a pattern.
Get it? Science!
Let’s break it down into actionable steps:
Get a simple and pretty journal or a even a plain notebook. Or you can print off a few of these free gratitude journaling pages to start.
Grab a nice pen you like. I love a good colored gel pen, don’t you?
Set a goal of how many things you will write down each day… 1, 3, 5, 10? It’s up to you!
Find a time that works. Do you have a few minutes of quiet time in the morning? Maybe you have a designated lunch break that would be better. Or is evening the ideal time for you to wind down and focus on your blessings?
Make it a habit. Choose what works for you and fit it in each day. But girl, give yourself grace. Like anything, if you stress about it, you will not continue it. Make it into a time of day you look forward to, but doesn’t burden you.
…Is the tight structure of a gratitude journal anxiety-inducing for you? Too much pressure? I’ve got you…
2. Fill a Gratitude Jar
Using the same concept of writing down what you are thankful for and reaping the benefits of the pen-to-brain spark, write your blessing down on a slip of paper and put it into a special jar with a lid like this one.
Keep recording and counting your blessings as often as you want. Then re-read them over on a special day like Thanksgiving, New Year’s Eve, or even the best day of the year…. your birthday!
Special Note: Here’s one important thing to keep in mind when you write down what you are thankful for:
Be specific and shake it up!
Your brain loves novelty. Rather than repeatedly writing about being thankful for your health, write, “Today I am grateful for being able to walk up three flights of stairs without pain or difficulty.” (Being the daughter of a mom with MS, I learned early to be particularly attuned with this one.)
Instead of being thankful for your family, write, “Today I felt a rush of love when my husband took my hand as we walked into the restaurant.”
Elevate a sentence about how you are grateful for your parents to, “I watched a yellow butterfly flutter past my window and instinctively thought of my Mom. It brought me peace.”
Did your daughter text you out of the blue just to say hi? Did the sun feel so warm on your face when you walked outside that you turned toward it like a sunflower? Did you hit all of the stoplights on green?
Practice looking for the unique and special glimmers throughout your day and write them down. You will be glad you did.
3. Dinnertime Thanks
This is a fantastic strategy to start with your kids and share with your family.
On those rare and blessed nights that you get to have everyone seated together at the dinner table at the same time, go around and have each person say one thing they are grateful for.
It may feel awkward or even silly at first, but that’s fine.
Model what you want it to look like and they will eventually follow. Be personal and specific.
The more often you do this, I promise, the better and deeper the collective responses will get.
It may even sprout into a tradition that gets passed down.
4. Share It Out
Instead of keeping it to yourself like a secret, think of someone you love (or like) and let them know what you appreciate about them.
Who comes to your mind first?
Of course you are probably thinking of the immediate members of your family like your partner, your parent, or your child, right?
That’s great!
However, now remove the limitations of your mind and include people outside of your home such as your co-worker, your beautician or your neighbor.
Everyone needs to know that they are appreciated in some way.
Tell them!
If you are comfortable speaking your feelings out loud and like to look your listener in the eye, sit down with them face-to-face, or use the convenience of FaceTime if there is distance between you.
If you prefer to avoid direct eye contact during these moments, try it when you are sitting side by side in the car or shoulder-to-shoulder on the couch.
If you are the type who wants your eyes removed from the whole situation, give them a call on the phone and talk away.
Are you better at expressing your feelings through writing? Put in a letter, an email or a text.
Do it however you are most comfortable. Just do it. Let them know.
5. Take a Gratitude Walk
Walking can provide the perfect foundation for allowing your mind to wander through the field of gratitude.
With uplifting music playing in your ears or with sweet silence as your companion, take a stroll outside while looking around you.
Let the thoughts come in and out of your mind but intentionally hone in on the ones that bring you joy and gratitude.
Acknowledge all of the beauty in nature that you see, the feeling of fresh oxygen in your lungs, the rhythm of your feet hitting the pavement.
Breathe.
Smile at each of the children and adults you pass. And the dogs, of course. Always smile at the dogs.
If the weather is not conducive to an outdoor walk, jump on a treadmill, climb the stairs, or hit the track at the gym.
Find a way to move your body while your brain ruminates about what it enjoys and wants to seek more of.
6. RAKs (Random Acts of Kindness)
Think of a time that someone did something nice for you, completely out of the blue and for no particular reason at all.
It just made you smile even now, didn’t it?
That small act of kindness probably came at a time when you needed a little lift, right? I will bet that it helped you get through your day with an extra spring in your step just knowing that someone else really saw you.
Did you pay it forward?
RAKs can be free of charge and take only a few seconds to carry out, but their impact can be substantial.
The best part of RAKs is that they have the power to make the giver feel as good as the receiver.
Our bodies get a shot of endorphins when we do something nice for someone else, even when we do not expect something back in return. It’s a win-win!
Imagine, for a moment, a world where every single person performed just one RAK for someone else each and every day…
I believe that it would be a global game changer!
So let’s start with us, shall we?
Try to incorporate small acts of kindness toward others into your life as often as you can. It will bring joy into your world and theirs!
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Hold the door open for the person behind you.
Smile and say “good morning” to strangers you pass.
Pay for the coffee for the car behind you.
Tell that woman that you love her style
Ask to pet someone’s dog.
Pick up that piece of trash and throw it away/recycle it.
Send a text that says, “Hey! Just wanted to let you know that you are awesome! Have a beautiful day!” (insert favorite emoji here)
Grab two of whatever you are ordering and give the other away.
Let that other person go ahead of you in line.
Bring your neighbor’s trash can back up the driveway.
Leave your quarter in your cart at Aldi.
Bring a coffee drink to a friend. (BOGO days are the best!)
Put a positive message on a post-it note and stick it to your co-worker’s computer monitor.
Compliment a stranger, your waitress or the checker at the grocery store. (Then watch how their face literally lights up when your message reaches their heart!)
7. Give Back
Expressing gratitude begets joy. And it is contagious. When you see the joy that gratitude brings out in others, it’s hard to keep it from blossoming in your own chest as well. It makes you want to keep it going, keep it growing.
Giving back is the next level up from RAKs. Here your kind acts are not random or arbitrary. They are concentrated and intentional, and their impact is even greater. In fact, they can literally be life-changing for someone.
You are still not expecting anything in return, but the deep-seated joy that you receive can be even more satisfying than the small shots from RAKs.
Select an organization that is dear to your heart and find a way to help. Volunteer your time, talents and treasures to its cause.
Here’s an extra bonus, momma: Including your children in these kind acts of giving back is how you plant the seeds of charity in the next generation!
What are your strengths that you are willing to share?
Here are just a few skills and talents that can be put to use in a positive way:
Organizing and coordinating
Designing
Building
Creating
Cooking
Fund-Raising
Communicating
Donating money or resources
Just showing up and following directions
Special Sidenote: My teenage daughter and I traveled with a mission group to the beautiful, but impoverished, country of Haiti a few years ago. We were not sure what to expect when we arrived, but we knew that we wanted to help somehow.
Our main assignment was to accompany water trucks to the small villages and pour the clean water into whatever containers the women and older children were holding as they moved toward the front of the line.
The smallest children danced in the overflow of cool water that shot out from the truck like a sprinkler and held out their arms to be picked up and held by our teenagers who played with them at each stop. Their laughter was infectious and they smiled the entire time we were present with them.
Although we were applying our time and effort to provide something for them, just seeing the ebullient joy and appreciation they freely expressed filled us with an even deeper sense of joy and gratitude for something that we typically take for granted: positive human interaction and clean water.
By the way, when was the last time you were specifically and actively grateful for the clean running water that rushes out of your faucet in your own home at the turn of a handle, at any time of day or night? According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 3 people globally do not have access to safe drinking water. If you are one of extra-blessed ⅔, you may go write that one down. I’ll wait.
But, of course, you certainly know that you don’t have to travel to another country to make an important impact in someone else’s life.
There are countless opportunities to volunteer your time and talents right in your own community and the list of ways you can give back is endless:
Serve food at a soup kitchen.
Rock babies at the hospital.
Donate to your local charities.
Work at the animal shelter.
Visit elders at a nursing home.
Ring bells for the Salvation Army.
Teach Sunday school.
Join a service organization.
Donate to scholarships.
Adopt a section of the highway to keep clean.
Give your things to those that need them more.
While it may take some thoughtful organization of your time and labor to be this intentional about serving others, what you will feel will make it worth it.
And it could quite possibly ignite a fire inside of you that you will want to keep going and growing.
Also keep in mind that you may not always fully be aware of the impact you are making. Chances are very good that your selfless example may be serving as a model for someone else and encouraging them to do the same.
The Happiest People are Those Who Are Grateful for What they Have
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is free and easy. It has multiple health benefits, shines a spotlight on your blessings and makes the world a better place.
There is no down side and there is nothing to lose.
The physical and mental act of writing down your blessings creates the strongest connections and fosters a new mindset of positivity and gratitude.
You can literally train your brain to look for the good around you, and the more blessings you find and acknowledge, the more natural it will be to see them everywhere you look.
I will leave you with this quote:
It isn’t happy people who are thankful, it's thankful people who are happy.
That says it all.
Being grateful for what you have leads you to finding more things to be grateful for, which leads you to more joy.
You are so incredibly blessed, my beautiful friend. And you are positively limitless.
